004: THE ECONOMICS OF DATING - PART ONE
Dating is probably the most important form of human interaction, as it is heavily linked with life, as we know it. Whether you like it or not, a significant amount of our behaviour is influenced by the opposite sex. Before I get into it, I would like to state a few disclaimers, before awon complainers come to aggravate me with their issue Olympics.
• I am not an expert on relationships; I have no certificate, nor is this my angle.
• I am a man. I do not know what women think, nor will I claim to. Anything suggested will be via witness statements, experiences and common sense.
• I use a lot of analogies and examples. If I compare a person to a pencil case please don’t take it literally, have a day off.
Back to the matter: the economics of dating. I believe you can implement some of the basic principles of economics to the world of dating. The main crux of this post is to highlight how important it is to be aware of yourself and the world, identify what is in your best interest, and implement it. This is the first part of erm… Yeah this is part 1. Please.
What is your level?
Firstly, I believe one of the biggest issues is the toxic level of delusions society has pumped into our brains. There is too much entitlement EVERYWHERE. Lads feel that if they spend £x amount they are automatically due some intimacy. In a similar vein, some ladies believe their prince charming is waiting on one knee in the rain somewhere with a rose in his mouth for them. They will tell you they deserve it. DESERVE. I always ask people why? Do you know what deserve means?
Deserve: Do something or have or show qualities worthy of (a reaction which rewards or punishesas appropriate):the referee deserves a pat on the back
There is no way everybody on planet earth has earned the privilege of having the very best partner. Notice the word "privilege"; nobody owes you anything outside your family members. We have free will as human beings to like whoever we please and dislike whoever we want to. It is not by force for you to like me nor vice versa. Furthermore, it is important to know your market value.
I can already hear someone screaming, “I know my worth!” That’s cute, real cute, but unfortunately this is the real world, not channel 609 (Disney channel). Unless you want to date and attract yourself, how you come across to other human beings is pivotal. Self-evaluation is fundamental. Market value can be calculated by physical appearance + character traits. This probably differs with regards to gender. With the way society has been built, a man’s resources (money) and social status (power) is more significant for women than a woman's status is to men. From the dawn of time, due to most of employment being manual labour (and a cheeky bit of sexism), men were the earners of income. Although society is slowly moving away from this, the social conditioning is still there. Like it or lump it, lads, that is reality. Don’t expect to have high market value when you lack in that department- that would be delusional. With regards to women, physical appearance is probably the most significant factor in their market value. Just look around you, the media is consistently forming a hierarchy of women primarily by their appearance before their achievements. A universally accepted stunning woman probably has more market value than an extremely wealthy or smart woman. Is this fair? Probably not, but unfortunately neither is life. LvG had me watching Phil Jones take set pieces; I feel your pain.
You must know your strengths and your weaknesses. Once you are aware of this, compare this to what is in the market. The type of person you are going for, do they demand what you have to offer? For example, a guy who wants to date supremely attractive models should probably assess his social status and bank account before he starts chucking the word "deserve" around. I believe one of the problems with human beings is the complete lack of self-evaluation. It’s become a trend in the western world to never hold yourself accountable; it’s always someone else's fault. When you don’t run any self-analysis you are more likely to obtain the same results. We all have a friend that ends up in hopeless situations with the same type of person; it’s never their fault though! I mean it wasn't as if David Cameron drafted legislation that they should select those people to date or risk death by machine gun! There is no way that, in perhaps ten years of dating, the problem is always somebody else's. The only constant in all the data is YOU. It’s so beneficial to be aware of your own character before you start polluting my Instagram feed with demands of someone else’s.
Using a bit of common sense, we can estimate the type of character traits that a good number of human beings would be drawn to. For example, being able to make somebody laugh is likely to increase your value, as we like to be entertained. It is no fluke how some of the most popular and rich people on this planet are great entertainers: Beyonce, Stephen Curry, Angelina Jolie, etc. On the flip side, some character traits are likely to reduce your value. For example, being untrustworthy will decrease your market value. If someone cannot trust you, it will only be a matter of time before that bond you have with them expires. Don't let social media deceive you in this 2016. Pettiness, overprotective, overbearing and genuine psychotic behaviour will DECREASE your market value! But hey you will get retweets and likes so it's worth it!
The issue with market value is that we have been hoodwinked into believing it is irrelevant, because we are all fantastic so anyone would be lucky to have us. This may be true for some people, but it will be less true for others. The reality is the guy with the muscly frame, decent amount of dosh and charm will create more demand than an unemployed, eighteen stone couch potato. I have a theory that, on average, males are slightly more aware of their market value than women due to social conditioning. Males are more likely to take part in various sporting activities from a young age; sport is probably the initial teacher of market value. Some kids will be better than others at a specific sport; they will obtain different roles and in turn get varied levels of attention and praise. Combine with this the tradition that the man is to pursue the woman, and men are probably more used to dealing with rejection- this is basic mathematics. If you don’t believe me, just look around you the next time you are at some form of party! If we compare this with how women have been raised in society, their self-esteem is carefully handled in most cases. We are built to reassure women and make them feel special. Do I have a problem with this? Not at all; I’m all for positivity. However, the implementation of this is so overboard that it has caused delusion. You must look at yourself; look at your physical self and your character. Ask yourself: does the type of person I want, want me back? Is it a fair trade? Am I selling myself short or am I going to buy a Ferrari with Converse money in my account? If you don’t know your market value, you are in danger of acting inefficiently in the world of dating for the rest of your life; you will be relying on luck. Now, if you have assessed your market value and you don’t think it is high enough for what you would like to attract, what do you do? Change it. Market value isn’t fixed for eternity. Not too long ago, Nokia was the hottest phone around town. Now, if someone mugged you, they would sooner steal your oyster card before a Nokia phone. Actions such as working out to improve your physique, paying more attention to fashion, and working on your bad character traits can improve your market value. Improve your market value, and the likelihood of you obtaining the partner you would like increases.
Know your product
One thing I have picked up across my journeys in life is how little effort we as humans put into selecting a possible partner. We will spend hours on ASOS finding one swags for a night out, but won't do any form of audit on a potential partner. When you are purchasing a used car, look at all the criteria available to filter on websites such as Auto Trader. So many different variables are considered, because nobody wants to spend 4-5 figures on a car that isn’t worth it. All the information you can get is valuable, and we're talking cars. Human beings are such complex things. You can have two people in the exact same environment, going through the same experiences and they could act completely differently. As you would when buying a car, you are probably best advised to find out as much information about the product you are purchasing. ALL information is useful; depending on you as a person, some data is more important than others.
Everything a person does: what they wear, what they eat, what they purchase, where they travel to, who they sleep with, who they talk to, and so on, tells a story about that person. Whether you like it or not, it’s the truth. “Who I sleep with doesn’t define me!” sorry, babe, it kind of does- to what extent is debatable. This isn’t gender specific; all information is important for both sexes. The more information you have, the more you know about that person. The more you know about that person, the more likely you are to make a good decision. One of the most amusing things to me is how people genuinely in their hearts believe that once they enter into a relationship that the human they are dating is suddenly going to change.
• Imagine a woman age 24 who has lived life dealing with conflict by avoiding it completely.
• You identify her, engage conversation and after a few months you enter a relationship.
• You have arguments and she avoids it completely.
• You complain about this and say you can’t do this in a relationship.
• You tell her compromises are part of relationships.
I will ask the following questions:
• Did you not know that is how she deals with conflict before the Flipagram posts on Instagram about ‘Me and my meatpie xoxo’?
• This lady has been operating in that manner for 24 years; why is this going to change overnight because she got the ‘girlfriend title’
• If compromises are part of relationships, why don’t YOU compromise to this character trait? It was all good just a week ago?
Actually learn about the product so that when you purchase it you aren’t in for a surprise. You can’t be out here thinking that you are buying an iPhone 6, but instead you are getting a Sky (no +) remote. Next time read the T&Cs.
To some people, what person X earns is more important than what person X thinks about religion, for example. You cannot bemoan this; we all have our own methodology. Furthermore, you cannot be angry that someone else's methodology doesn’t look upon you favourably. That is pathetic and delusional. There are 7 billion people on Earth; the Law of Averages suggests you will repulse some people, and some people will worship the ground you walk on. The ratio of this differs from person to person based on market value as stated earlier. Some people are so deluded that if significant amounts of people don’t deem them as high market value, that it is they with the problem. We all have the right to be attracted to what we like- that is what keeps the market going. You cannot dictate that we should all like one type of person- leave the communism for the impressionable politics students. Attempting to make a particular type of human universally attractive is like trying to make ALL cereals £15.00. The market doesn’t demand that, it is inefficient, and you will fail to implement such.
So there you have it. Part One of the economics of dating has reached it's conclusion. Know your market value and obtain as much information as possible! I have so much more to say but I will save that for another day! I hope you enjoyed the first part of the economics of dating. Let me know what you think!
@Disunomics on twitter :)